ConstructiveThinking.mp3 - powered by Happy Scribe

You're listening to the MentalNotes podcast. In this episode, MentalNotes founder Scott Dow explains how to navigate difficult situations using constructive thinking.

So self-coaching is a really effective practice plan. But the former heavyweight champion Mike Tyson had this saying. He said, "Everyone has a plan until they get hit in the mouth."

Well, leadership is the same way. You're going to walk into meetings and have to share unpopular news. You're going to be asked to implement unpopular decisions, and many of your people won't agree with them. People are going to be angry and frustrated. They're going to bitch and complain. Their emotions are going to influence what you think, feel, and do. That's a form of getting hit in the mouth.

You're going to have to make a tough call on an employee that you really like. You're going to feel bad and second guess yourself. You're going to rationalize giving them one more chance, even though you know you shouldn't. That's another example of getting hit in the mouth.

Leaders are constantly getting punched in the mouth, but effective leaders choose and act on their best thoughts. That's what constructive thinking is all about. Now, I can tell you. To self-coach, you need to understand exactly how you think, where your thoughts come from and how to choose your best thoughts.

I'm going to share some research that may surprise you. You process tens of thousands of thoughts each day. Now, that probably surprises you because most of these thoughts are subconscious. The fact is, we live most of our lives on autopilot. 90 percent of our daily thoughts are subconscious.

Most behavior doesn't require conscious thinking. We don't have to think about our morning routine. We don't have to think about how we brush our teeth. Leadership is the same way. That's why it's important to build mental models and work on visualization exercises. It's because we want to hardwire the right behaviors into our subconscious.

But good decision-making and problem-solving require conscious thought. Most decisions and solutions that are driven by subconscious thought are way off base. All they do is trigger old behaviors that we're trying to change. So where do these conscious thoughts come from?

The brain has three operating systems: the habitual brain, the emotional brain and the rational brain. The habitual brain runs our autopilot. We don't have to think about hailing a cab, or brushing our teeth, or even walking. We just do it.

Now, conscious thoughts are triggered by both our emotional brain and our rational brain. We make decisions and solve problems based on emotional and rational thoughts. Now, no leader wants to make emotional decisions, but here's the problem. The emotional brain works five times faster than the rational brain. It's the way we're designed. Psychologists refer to our emotional brain as the primitive brain.

Now, that's not meant to be a negative characterization. It's just a fact. The emotional brain serves a very useful purpose. It's designed to look for signs of danger, it keeps us safe, it triggers emotions like fear, anger, or sadness, emotions we can quickly recognize and act on. It also triggers our freeze, fight, or flight response, all of which help you avoid danger.

The problem is this. The emotional brain gets a big head start on a rational brain, and it often leads us in the wrong direction. It's hard to choose your best thoughts when you're flooded with emotional thoughts. So you have to manage this emotional brain.

Now, here's a simple way to practice this. I want you to think of your rational and emotional brains as friends of yours. But like your friends, keep in mind that they have very different personalities. You've got this one friend that's just trying to help. They're kind of nervous and quick to act. They're super opinionated, and they like to hear themselves talk. Some of what they say is spot on. They mean well, but they're off and wrong, and they tend to get you really worked up. That's your emotional brain.

This other friend is much more thoughtful. They care about you too, but they're quiet. They're even a little shy. They don't say as much, but when they do, they say things that are really constructive. They're very thoughtful, and they tend to have a more calming influence on you. Well, that's your rational brain.

Here's the key takeaway. You need both these friends to make good decisions. Both can offer wise counsel, and both can mean well. But it's hard to get your emotional friend to shut up, and your more rational buddy won't weigh in until your emotional friend is done yapping.

So hear your emotional friend out. Deal with them first. Acknowledge, and thank them for their input. Tell them how much you value them. But then turn the floor over to your more rational friend. Give them time to think and listen intently to what they have to say. Don't rush them.

If you're like me, you value all your friends and all their quirky little personalities. But you're in control. You choose who to listen to. When I'm talking with buddies, I value what they all have to say, but I always consider the source, and I always try to talk with my more thoughtful buddies last. If you balance your emotional and rational thoughts the same way, you're going to choose your best thoughts.

Remember this. As a leader, you're going to get hit in the mouth. And when you do, that emotional buddy is going to have one reaction, and it's going to come quick. But your rational buddy is going to have another. I trust you know who to listen to.