Album 2: Getting Results
This album focuses on managing the performance of both individuals and teams.
Transcripts
Episode 1
Transcript
VisionValuesandStandards .mp3 - powered by Happy Scribe
You're listening to the Mental Notes podcast. In this episode, our founder, Scott Dow, explains the psychological process people engage in before they choose to follow your lead.
Leadership and international travel have a similar dynamic, and the most basic principle of leadership is prehistoric. It's Neanderthal. It's full on caveman or cavewoman.
Let me explain. So right now, there are three things you need before you can take an international flight. You need a plane ticket, you need a passport, you need a COVID test.
You present your ticket passport and COVID test to the ticket agent, and then the ticket agent determines if you're suitable for travel. Leadership is the same way. There are three things you need to present to employees then your employees determine if you're suitable to lead.
You need to share your vision, you need to share your values, and you need to share your standards.
Now, this is where the caveman comes in. Humans are born with a natural survival instinct. Self preservation is always top of mind. And this started to be hardwired into us during prehistoric times.
All cavemen weren't created equal. Some cavemen were leaders and some were followers. The caveman that followed the right leaders, they live longer and they pass their genes down to us.
So the decision to follow someone, to see them control, to follow their direction, to let them lead, man, it's not taken lightly. In fact, it's a heritable psychological process refined and improve through thousands of years of evolution. It's how we determine if someone is safe to follow. That's why your vision, values, and standards are so important. These are the things that your people instinctively and subconsciously need to answer before they agree or choose to follow you.
Think of it this way. Three things people are trying to figure out about you. First, people need to know what you're trying to do. They want to know if you're headed some place worth following. The vision you share explains where you're headed.
Then people need to know what's important to you. That tells people not just what you like, but what you are like, what you're like as a person, what you're like as a boss. The values you share explain what's important to you.
Finally, people need to know what good performance looks like. They want to know what they're accountable for and if they're going to be up for the task. And the standard you share explain how you're going to judge them, how they'll be judged.
Now, one of the biggest misconceptions leaders have is this. They think that their team's going to assume they're suitable to lead just because they've been put in charge, but they won't.
That ticket agent at the international counter, they're not going to just trust that you have a ticket, passport, and COVID test. They want to see them and inspect each for their authenticity.
Your team is no different. Sure, now somebody were up the chain, put you in charge, and that someone must trust that you have vision, values, and standards that are appropriate, but that doesn't matter. Your employees want to hear what they are from you, and they want to see your vision, values, and standards in action.
Until they do, they're going to take a cautious wait and see attitude with you as their boss. So a couple of key points. First thing is this; you need to package your vision, values, and standards into statements that are memorable. And here's why. People are going to need something to refer back to.
Second thing is this. These statements need to be clear, concise, credible, and compelling. Clear, so you avoid any misunderstanding. Concise, so they're easy to recall. Credible, so you remove all doubt. And compelling, so people are willing to buy in.
And the third and final thing is this. You need to rehearse and deliver these statements over and over again. The more you reinforce your vision, values, and standards, the better.
In the other episodes or in other episodes, we'll focus more deeply on vision, values, and standards. But for now, I want you to try something. I want you to envision yourself interviewing a candidate that you really like, visualize the setting. Maybe it's a face to face interview, or it could be one of these Zoom interviews.
Now visualize yourself sharing your vision, values, and standards. How easy do the words come out? Do you have to stop and think? Are they second nature? Are they concise, clear, credible, compelling?
The more you mentally rehearse your vision statement, the better, same with your values and your standards. Statements that are concise, clear, credible, and compelling don't come out of thin air. You have to practice. They deserve constant attention and refinement. Trust me, the more you work on them, the easier they'll come.
Episode 2
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employeeengagment.mp3 - powered by Happy Scribe
You're listening to the MentalNotes podcast. In this episode, MentalNotes founder Scott Dow explains how to keep your employees highly engaged.
I have an important statistic and it's probably going to surprise you. On average, only one out of every three employees is giving their best effort. Two out of three are either totally checked out or they're just skating by. Now, that's not our research, that's research from Gallup, and it's pretty consistent with all the other research out there.
Now, you might say that your team's different or that your company's different, but it's probably not. COVID has changed things, and managing remote workers can be a huge challenge. The fact is day to day, we don't really know how engaged our employees really are. But if you're going to deliver results, you need your employees to give their best effort day in and day out. And if they're not, you're fighting for results with one arm tied behind your back.
Now, keeping people engaged is a lot like saving money. Little investments you make are going to compound over time. To stay engaged, people need something called psychological capital. Think of this as a positive can-do mindset. And it has four ingredients: hope, confidence, resilience, and optimism. These are the psychological resources to keep people engaged. If you're investing in people, they build up this positive psychological capital. If you don't, their emotional bank accounts are going to run dry and that's when they disengage.
If you save a little bit out of every paycheck, your savings will compound and grow quickly. When you need your rainy-day fund, it's going to be there. Psychological capital grows the same way. Little day-to-day investments in your people are going to compound over time. And when the work gets hard, your people are going to have the psychological resources they need to keep going. And again, these resources are hope, confidence, resilience, and optimism.
So how do you make these little investments? Well, there are four things that work: focus, feedback, fixes, and frequency. When you focus people on shorter term goals, you build hope because the goal seems more attainable. When you give feedback, you build confidence because you reduce uncertainty. When you fix problems, you build resilience because everything begins to feel fixable. And when you engage frequently, you build optimism. Frequent interaction demonstrates your optimism, and optimism is contagious.
Now, there are a lot of other little things you can do to build up their savings account. We have more detailed explanations on mentalnotes.com. Just search the term savings account on mentalnotes.com.
Remember this. People follow leaders they view to be trustworthy, compassionate, and consistent, and they form this opinion over time. The more engaged you are, the more engaged they'll be. The more investment in them, the more they'll have to give back.
So remember, go to mentalnotes.com, and on mentalnotes.com, search savings account, and start making these little investments.
Episode 3
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howtosetgoals.mp3 - powered by Happy Scribe
You're listening to the MentalNotes podcast. In this episode, founder Scott Dow explains a powerful goal setting technique.
For most people, goals are like a cheap T-shirt. They look good when you buy them, but they shrink and they fade really fast. Long-term goals shrink because they're off in the distance. The farther away, the smaller they appear. And they fade because life gets in the way. We're pulled in different directions and new priorities pop up. I'm going to teach you to keep your goals from shrinking and fading. And I want to start with a quick story.
I had this buddy named Mitch, we call him Yoyo Mitch. And he's the most goal-oriented guy I know. Three or four times a year, he goes on this diet. He has his new year's diet, his beach diet and even his pre-holidays diet. Yoyo Mitch always meets his weight loss goal, but he always gains the weight back. He's great at achieving results. He'll do a cleanse, he'll do keto, he'll do crash diets, whatever it takes, he'll meet his goal. But he still has a weight problem.
So what does Yoyo Mitch have to do with you? Well, here's what. Most people spend their lives chasing the very same goals. Yoyo Mitch spends his life chasing the same weight loss result. He may achieve his weight loss goal, but his behavior still sucked. His habits never changed. He still has a weight problem.
Here's how you avoid being Yoyo Mitch. Make goals that don't shrink or fade. Now there are two types of goals. Outcome goals and process goals. Outcome goals refer to results. Process goals refer to behaviors. Outcome goals don't work, they shrink and they fade. An outcome goal serves one useful purpose. It's a guide for setting process goals, that's it. Outcome goals without process goals are a waste of time.
Outcome goals promote shortcuts and bad decisions. The ends justify the means. What if Yoyo Mitch fell a little short of his weight loss goal but adopted healthier eating habits? Wouldn't he better off? I think he would.
An outcome goal is just a snapshot in time. It's a horrible metric for success. It doesn't reflect any meaningful behavioral change. Process goals reflect behaviors over time. They promote sustainable habits, they become second nature, they create a brand new comfort zone and they help you grow.
Keep this in mind. High performers and low performers have the same goals. Low performers don't set out to underachieve. They want success like everyone else, they just keep coming out short. High performers use process goals to fundamentally change their behavior. They set daily and weekly behavioral goals that promote the end result. These behaviors become habits, and the habits become second nature. They hardwire healthy, productive, high-performing behaviors that lead to long-term success.
So how do you practice setting process goals? I want you to think of a simple goal. Now to achieve this goal, there's some behavior that needs to change. There's something you need to stop doing or there's something you need to start doing. Think of what those are.
Don't focus on infrequent behaviors. Focus on daily behaviors, little steps you can begin tomorrow. These become your process goals. These are goals you can track daily, you can achieve these goals daily, you can feel good about your daily achievements, and these daily achievements are going to help you build momentum. They'll build confidence. And most importantly, they'll build new habits. Habits you can build on over and over again. And the best news? These habits won't shrink and they won't fade.
Episode 4
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HowtoHoldPeopleAccountable.mp3 - powered by Happy Scribe
You're listening to the MentalNotes podcast. In this episode, MentalNotes founder Scott Dow explains how to hold people accountable.
If you only hold people accountable for their performance, you're missing a great leadership opportunity. You're missing a coaching opportunity. In fact, I think you're doing your people a disservice. Let me explain why. You can hold people accountable for three things: their performance, their behaviors, or their decisions.
Now, many of you are managing remote workers, and these remote workers are largely unsupervised. You can't walk by their cubicle, you can't observe what they're doing, and it's hard to give real time feedback. Now, you can interact via Teams or Slack, and you can have quick touch bases over the phone. But the remote worker is largely left to their own devices.
You can assess performance, but that's after the fact, right? And it's hard to observe behaviors that are happening remotely. The way someone performs over time and the way they behave in the moment is a result of the choices they're making, the decisions they make day in and day out. That's why it's important to hold people accountable for their decisions.
Remember, you're a leader. You're not a scorekeeper. Anyone can look at a result and judge it as good or bad. Bad behavior is easy to spot too. Listen, if someone does something really stupid, they know it as well as anyone. But an effective leader is going to influence the decisions that trigger the behaviors that enable good performance. That's leadership.
So how do you hold people accountable for their decisions? Well, you start by empowering people to make good decisions, especially remote workers. But you have to explain clearly what that means.
A decision is based on a choice. If you don't have a choice, there's no decision to be made. So the lives we live are a reflection of the choices we make. And life comes down to two choices. We have the choice between the things we want to do, but no, we shouldn't. We have the choice between things we don't want to do, but no, we should. Business is the same way, and you need to explain this to your people, especially professionals that work remotely.
Here's how it works in real life. I want to lose 10 pounds. I wish I only wanted to lose two pounds, but we'll call it 10 pounds. Each day, I have choices. I really want to order dessert, but I know I shouldn't. I don't really want to go to the gym, but I know I should.
Now, I can wait and hold myself accountable for my weight loss goal, but what's the point? If I'm choosing carrot cake over cardio, and I never hold myself accountable, and I've lost the opportunity to influence my behaviors and my performance. So remember, managing performance, especially of remote professionals, comes down to giving feedback, and holding people accountable for their decisions, not their performance.
Here's how you practice this. When you talk to people, ask open-ended questions about their day, and listen intently to the choices they're making. Focus on their priorities, what they're choosing to focus on. Are they avoiding things they should be doing, or maybe doing things they shouldn't be doing? This is a great coaching opportunity.
Remind people that you're empowering them to make good choices, good decisions. When you do this, you're holding them accountable. You're calling them into account for their decisions. You don't have to beat people up. That's not the point. The point is to make people mindful of their decisions.
Listen, there are days I choose cheesecake over cardio, and your employees will too. But if they know they're accountable for their decisions, then they'll start making better decisions. And that's going to show up in their longer term performance.
Episode 5
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HowtoGiveDirection (1).mp3 - powered by Happy Scribe
You're listening to the MentalNotes podcast. In this edition, founder Scott Dow explains how to give direction.
I need you to keep listening because I'm about to share something really important. Now I just gave you a direction and used a magic word, a word that research has proven to have powerful psychological effects. Can you pick it out?
Listen again. I need you to keep listening because I'm about to share something really important. The word, it's because. The word because triggers the mind to act. Just make your request, insert the word because then state a simple reason.
Here's why the technique works. Most human behavior runs on autopilot. All the brain needs is a reason to act. And the word because signals that there's an actual reason behind your request. It's an automatic message to the brain.
Here's what it might sound like. Would you mind submitting your forecast early? Because I'm going to be on vacation.
Now here's an easy way to practice. Take a post-it note. Write the word because on it and stick it on your computer. Each time you use the technique, make a little tick mark on the post-it note. Once you get to about a dozen tick marks, you should be good to go.
Episode 6
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howtogivepositivefeedback.mp3 - powered by Happy Scribe
You're listening to the MentalNotes podcast. In this edition, MentalNotes founder Scott Dow explains how to give positive feedback.
There's a huge difference between a superficial complement and really effective positive feedback. I'm about to explain that difference and I'm going to share how you can practice giving high impact positive feedback.
Here's what a superficial compliment sounds like. You did a great job, or nice work. I want you to stop and think about the positive feedback that you give. How much of it sounds something like that? When you give a superficial compliment, you're feeding your employee empty calories. There's no nutritional value. You've given them a cookie. It tastes good in the moment, but it won't nourish them in any meaningful way.
Positive feedback is a form of positive reinforcement, and positive reinforcement is meant to reinforce a specific behavior. So to be effective, positive feedback needs to make it more likely that the person will repeat the behavior in the future.
Let's go back to that superficial compliment. You did a great job. Now I want you to ask yourself what's missing. If you said the behavior, you want to reinforce, then you want a cookie.
Here's what effective feedback sounds like. I like the way you set the meeting up. You summarized the key points up front before diving into the data. That made your presentation very easy to follow. Now in about 30 words and one breath, I gave context behavior and the benefit. The context is the meeting. The behavior was summarizing key points up front. And the benefit was making the presentation easy to follow. Now, if you are on the receiving end of this feedback, which would you prefer? The superficial complement or the specific positive feedback?
Which is more likely to reinforce your behavior?
So how do you practice this? Start by writing down the key ingredients. I'm going to review them again. Context, behavior, and benefit. Now a lot of feedback is given virtually through email or messaging. It's not the best way to give feedback, but it's an effective way to practice. You can take your time and craft thoughtful feedback that includes context, behavior, and the benefit. Before long, this technique is going to become second nature, and you'll be easily able to deliver it live.
Episode 7
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HowtoGiveNegativeFeedback (1).mp3 - powered by Happy Scribe
You're listening to the MentalNotes podcast. In this episode, MentalNotes founder Scott Dow explains how to give negative feedback.
I'm going to share the three secrets to giving negative feedback. But first, I want to share what not to do. Don't mix positive and negative feedback. Negative feedback is way too valuable to water down what at a boy or at a girl compliments. Negative feedback is an immediate chance to help someone get better. So seize that opportunity.
Remember this. Every bit of negative feedback should have some benefit to the employee. Listen, negative feedback with no real benefit is simply criticism. And negative feedback without coaching is just plain mean.
When you give negative feedback, you have to motivate, you have to coach. Don't be that manager that sugarcoats your criticism. It sounds something like this. That was a really good presentation. Now you rambled a bit, but your slides were great. See what I did? I mixed positive and negative feedback. I watered down the one thing that could make that person better.
Now here's how you do it. The first secret, lead with the benefit. Clarify the opportunity before you give the negative feedback. It sounds something like this. There's only one thing you can do to make that presentation even better. See, I led with the benefit. There's only one thing you can do to make that presentation even better. It gets their attention. I've created a little sense of curiosity and a sense of anticipation, and I've shared my positive intent.
Now the second secret, flip the negative feedback into specific coaching advice. Here's what that sounds like. Make your point and move on. It's simple, it's clear, it's unambiguous.
Now the third secret, end with a simple explanation. And here's what that sounds like. Because people have a limited attention span.
So let's bring it all together. Here's what it's going to sound like. There's only one thing you can do to make that presentation even better. Make your point and move on, because people have a limited attention span. In one statement, I've given the benefit, coaching advice, and a simple, memorable explanation.
Now you have to practice this, and here's how. Think of the last few times you gave negative feedback. You have a pattern for giving negative feedback and you need to reflect on what that is. Then I want you to visualize how you would've delivered that feedback using these three secrets. Then the next time you're about to give some negative feedback, do this. Think about your old pattern, but mentally rehearse how you intend to give the feedback. The more you rehearse it, the better you're going to deliver it. Do this a handful of times, and I promise you, these techniques will become second nature.
Episode 8
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Underperformers.mp3 - powered by Happy Scribe
You're listening to the MentalNotes podcast. In this episode, MentalNotes founder Scott Dow explains how to deal with underperformers.
So if you're listening to this, you probably have someone that's underperforming. I'm going to give you a coaching trick that may fix it fast, but it may surprise you. I'm going to bet you don't have a performance problem, I'm going to bet you have a communication problem. And I'm going to describe what it is. There are three things that need to be clearly communicated before someone performs at a high level.
Now, before I share what those three things are, I wanted to find what clearly communicated means. It means that the person on the receiving end of your communication understands that they acknowledge and that they accept what you've communicated. There can be no misunderstanding. You have to verify your message has been received, and they have to internalize your message. When they do, that's clear communication. You've clearly communicated.
So what needs to be communicated? The first thing is this. You have to share exactly what good performance looks like to you. You have to set an unambiguous performance standard. People have to know where the bar is set, where you set the performance standard.
The second thing is this. You have to share what the person will be accountable for. They need to know what they're going to be asked to answer for today, this week, and in the future; what you're going to call them into account for.
And the third thing is this. They need to know where they stand. Your feedback needs to be timely and unambiguous. If someone is falling short, they need to know where they're falling short, and they need to understand the consequences.
Now, that can seem harsh, but I promise you it's not. I'll tell you what harsh is. Harsh is a fuzzy performance standard. Harsh is beating around the bush about accountability or consequences. Harsh is withholding or sugar-coating feedback.
Most people want to do good work. People don't want to underachieve. People don't wake up in the morning and come to work looking to be average or below average. I've coached executives for a long time now, and I'm often asked to work with underperforming execs.
I can tell you this. More often than not, it's not a performance problem. It's a communication problem. The person has the skill to perform, and they have the will to perform too. If people know where they stand, what's expected, and how they'll be judged, they tend to rise to the occasion.
So how do you practice this? The most important thing you can practice is feedback. Feedback allows you to reinforce your standards. When you give feedback, you're holding people accountable. When you give feedback, people know where they stand. When you give feedback, you can introduce consequences.
But remember this. Good communication is always two-way communication. You need to solicit their feedback. You need to be open to their input. You need to encourage their questions. Questions allow you to clarify your standards, your expectations. Your questions can also help you identify potential skill gaps that you can work on.
So a final thought. We've studied this issue for a long time, and here's what we found. Leaders want to be liked. They don't want to be micromanagers. They don't want to be a hard ass. They want to be respectful. They want to be popular. So they tend to beat around the bush. They sugar-coat. They give people the benefit of the doubt. But trust me, they're not doing people any favors.
Your employees' performance is a reflection of your performance. If someone on your team is underperforming, your relationship is underperforming. And all relationships are based on what? They're based on good communication. If someone is underperforming, look in the mirror first. Are your standards explicit, or have you simply implied what they are?
Do people understand what they're accountable for? Do they understand how their performance is being viewed by you? Do they know where they stand? Do they understand the consequences of underperformance? Have they acknowledged and accepted and internalized what you've communicated?
If the answer is no, or the answer is maybe, get to work on your communication. And you'll be surprised at how fast things may turn around.
Episode 9
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howtogiveapeptalk.mp3 - powered by Happy Scribe
You're listening to the MentalNotes podcast. In this episode, founder Scott Dow explains how to give a pep talk.
A great pep talk has three key ingredients. It has empathy, direction and a benefit. Now empathy grabs attention. It shows that you've listened, that you care and that you get it. Direction gives a plan. It's your advice in a nutshell, it reduces uncertainty, and it helps people focus. The benefit is the reason to act. It's reassuring, it's motivating, it connects all the dots.
Most people think that pep talks need to be upbeat, encouraging and full of positive thinking. They don't. In fact, I'd advise against it. It's just another cookie. It tastes good, but it has no nutritional value.
Now there's one more key point I want to make, and I want to use a quick story to share it. About six months ago, I gave a friend a pep talk. She had interviewed for a board seat at a big public company, and she didn't get the gig. In fact, the process seemed kind of rigged from the get go. There were a lot of politics involved, and she felt very misled. She was disappointed, to say the least. I tell you, she was mad, she was angry.
I empathized with her, but then made some very specific recommendations. I suggested that she send a note to every board member, thanking them, wishing them well and offering to stay in touch. Now she hated the idea, but she did hear me out. I reasoned that it would help her put the process behind her. And who knows? These people sit on a lot of other boards too, and something good might come from that direction.
When my pep talk ended, she wasn't smiling. She didn't thank me and she wasn't feeling any better. There was no immediate evidence that I could see that my pep talk was anything more than a waste of time.
But you know what? She called me last week. And she was over the moon happy. She brought up that call six, seven months ago. Now I had forgotten about it, but she hadn't. She said after a few days that she decided to follow my advice. And sure enough, two of the directors she had interviewed with reach back out to her. And those two discussions turned into not one but two board seats at even better companies.
So what's my point? Well, there's a couple points. Pep talks take time to set in. And here's why. When you're giving a pep talk, you're using your rational brain, but they're listening with their emotional brain. Now by empathizing, you can calm their emotional brain down some. It'll be more open and receptive to what you're sharing, but the rational thinking, it's not going to kick in for a while. In fact, in that moment, their emotional brain may resist some of your message. So don't expect your pep talk to click right away.
Don't put too much stock in their immediate reaction. Be empathetic, give clear direction, and a good reason to act.
So how do you practice giving pep talks? The best way to practice I know is by giving self pep talks. When you need a pep talk, think of yourself in the third person and acknowledge your feelings. Be empathetic with yourself. Show yourself a little compassion. Then give yourself advice focused on the potential benefit. Here's what it might sound like. Okay Scott, you're pissed. You don't agree with this decision, but you need to accept it and move on, because you need to be viewed as a team player.
That example included the three elements we've talked about. And I can assure you that the more you practice on yourself, the easier this is with others.
Episode 10
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howtomotivatesomeonewhoisstuckinarut.mp3 - powered by Happy Scribe
You're listening to the MentalNotes podcast. In this episode, founder Scott Dow helps you motivate someone that's stuck in a rut.
So motivating people is like following a Tex-Mex recipe. If you don't have the right ingredients, it's really hard to get it right. Now I'm a Texan, and any Texan will tell you that you need chili, you need cheese, and you need onions to make really good Tex-Mex food. Motivation works the same way. You need the right ingredients, and I'm going to tell you what they are.
The first thing you need is desire. The person has to want something. Now think about it, if they don't want anything, there's nothing to get motivated about. Second ingredient is direction. They have to know what to do and how to do it. They have to have a plan. It's really hard to be motivated if you don't know where to start. The final ingredient is confidence. Trust me. You can't motivate someone that's absolutely convinced that they're going to fail.
People typically fall into three categories. They either one, lack desire, two, they have desire, but lack direction, or three, they have direction, but no confidence. Now the people that lack desire, we think of them as being lazy, but they're just stuck in the comfort zone. The people that have desire, but no direction, we think of these people as lack in commitment, but they're just lost. They need some direction. The people that have direction but no confidence, now these people can come across as being resistant or having a bad attitude. In reality, they're just worried about failing, they're worried about looking bad.
If someone lacks desire, just use whatever motivation they have in the moment. Focus them on easier tasks and try to set shorter term goals. If they don't have a lot to give, don't ask a lot. If someone lacks direction, then you want to simplify their tasks. Answer their questions and eliminate as much uncertainty as possible. That's going to provide the clarity people need to engage. And finally, if they lack confidence, encourage them to play to their strengths. Or you can reference their past experience, the relevant past experience that creates a positive memory for them.
Now if that doesn't work, if you don't have access to relevant strengths or experience, you can offer vicarious reinforcement. Just point out someone that they identify with that's having success.
These are three ways to build desire, direction and confidence. You can take these ingredients, follow the recipe and cook up some motivation. You can practice this on yourself too, it's a great way to self-motivate. Just focus on short-term tasks, simplify your plan and play to your strengths.
Now a couple final, quick takeaways. First thing is this, motivation ebbs and flows. So you have to think of this as an ongoing process. And the second thing is this, momentum is very motivating. Little quick wins build desire, direction and confidence, and build momentum over time, and build motivation over time.
Episode 11
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If/ThenTechnique.mp3 - powered by Happy Scribe
You're listening to the MentalNotes podcast. In this episode, founder Scott Dow explains the if/then coaching technique.
If people are making excuses, then I have a technique for you. I'm going to explain what it is; in fact, I just used it. But before I do, let me share a little context. When you give directions, you're going to get some pushback, and it's called an excuse. And the excuse is going to sound something like this, "I can't do what you want because..." And you can fill in the blank after "because" with any number of different reasons. This is the most common form of excuse-making, and it's called can't-because thinking: "I can't do it because..."
Now, there are different variations of can't-because thinking. My daughter is the master of, "Oh, dad, I'd love to, but..." She wants to let Dad down easy so she replaces "can't" with "I'd love to", and she replaces "because" with "but." It sounds better, but it's still a can't-because excuse; it's a very elegant excuse, but it's still a can't-because excuse.
But people don't make excuses because they're lazy, they make excuses when they're stressed. They can stress about the deadline or the resources at their disposal; there's any number of different reasons that cause stress. Whatever the case is, their stress comes from a lack of confidence. And that's why this is such a great coaching opportunity.
So how do you coach your way through an excuse? Let's go back to what I first said. I said, "If someone's making excuses, then use this coaching technique." And I said two key words: I said "if" and I said "then." The words "if" and "then" provide you a simple formula: if you run into this problem, then try this solution. That's why we call it if/then coaching, and it's designed to reduce stress by building confidence.
So how do you practice the technique? You want to encourage planning discussions, and every plan should include contingency plans. You want to bring up potential roadblocks and encourage your people to do the same. Remember, every potential roadblock is an if/then coaching opportunity.
The second thing you do is this: you empathize. It's the best way to let people know you've heard them, that you take their concern seriously, that you haven't discounted what they said.
The third thing is this: if you really want to supercharge your if/then coaching, make it "if, then, and because." Here's an example we can all relate to: "If you start to feel overwhelmed, then give me a call because we can take some things off your plate." That's a good example of the if/then/because coaching technique.
If/then coaching is really effective in team settings, too. Try this: if someone raises a challenge, then ask the group for ideas because someone probably has a good thought. Now, if you were listening closely, you heard me just use the technique again.
If/then coaching doesn't take a lot of time, but you have to be approachable and you have to listen for can't-because thinking.
One final coaching point: once you give if/then advice, stop talking. Let it sink in. Punctuate your advice with silence, and here's why: silence makes people uncomfortable. So what do they do? They fill the dead air. They feel compelled to say something, and they'll often raise additional concerns. Once you get them going, they're going to have more to come. And each concern they raise is one more coaching opportunity that's going to help you build their confidence, build their focus, and build their plan.